All About Love
Hello Love,
One of the most profound books I ever read was bell hooks All About Love: New Visions. In this book bell hooks offers a powerful truth:
“One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others. There was a time when I felt lousy about my over-forty body, saw myself as too fat, too this, or too that. Yet I fantasized about finding a lover who would give me the gift of being loved as I am. It is silly, isn’t it, that I would dream of someone else offering to me the acceptance and affirmation I was withholding from myself. This was a moment when the maxim “You can never love anybody if you are unable to love yourself” made clear sense. And I add, “Do not expect to receive the love from someone else you do not give yourself.”
How often do we wait for someone else to affirm us, accept us, or see us as worthy before we allow ourselves to feel whole? Many of us have been conditioned to believe that love is something to be earned, that it is granted by others only when we meet certain standards—be it in our bodies, our success, or our ability to care for others. But hooks challenges this notion. She invites us to look inward, to nurture the love we crave within ourselves first.
Loving Yourself Is Revolutionary
Loving yourself isn’t just self-care Sundays and affirmations in the mirror—though those help! It’s about shifting the way we see ourselves at a fundamental level. It means no longer withholding love from yourself until you “lose the weight,” “get the job,” or “find the right person.” It means recognizing that you are already enough—right now, as you are.
Ask yourself:
How do I talk to myself when I make a mistake?
Do I give myself the same grace I extend to others?
Do I treat myself as someone worthy of kindness, patience, and care?
When we neglect to love ourselves fully, we unconsciously seek that validation from others. We may chase relationships that mirror our self-doubt or rely on external approval to feel valuable. But when we truly love ourselves, we stop looking to others to do what only we can do for ourselves.
The Love You Deserve Starts With You
If you’re struggling with self-love, start small.
Speak to yourself with compassion. When negative self-talk creeps in, pause and ask, “Would I say this to someone I love?” If not, reframe it.
Set boundaries that protect your peace. Love means respecting yourself enough to say no when needed.
Honor your needs. Rest when you’re tired, nourish your body, and engage in activities that bring you joy.
Choose yourself daily. Loving yourself is not a destination—it’s a practice.
Love, as hooks reminds us, is an active choice. It is not just something we give or receive but something we cultivate. The more we pour love into ourselves, the more love we have to offer the world—not from a place of lack, but from abundance.
This month, I challenge you to give yourself the love you dream of receiving from others. Be your source of validation, encouragement, and kindness. And watch how everything shifts. You are loved.
Love,
Adrianne
