This Sunday was Father's Day and it was a perfect time to reflect on the men and our lives who have guided us and loved us well. Unfortunately, I did not have the pleasure of experiencing a present and loving father. It is because of this absence that I understand and appreciate the importance of fathers.
A man plays such an important role in the lives of their children and their families. The presence of a loving Father adds so much to the emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being of their children. "Studies show that if your child’s father is affectionate, supportive, and involved, he can contribute greatly to your child’s cognitive, language, and social development, as well as academic achievement, a strong inner core resource, sense of well-being, good self-esteem, and authenticity." Though our society acts as if the role of a man is replaceable or unimportant I am one to say to all men, "We need you." We need your presence, your protection, your strong arms, your "I'm proud of you", your laughter, your kisses, your "I understand", your example, and your provisions. Feminist author and scholar, bell hooks, explains this longing well in her book "The Will to Change" (I recommend everyone reads this book):
"...To speak our hunger for male love would demand that we name the intensity of our lack and our loss...No one hungers for male love more than the little girl or boy who rightfully needs and seeks love from Dad. He may be absent, dead, present in body yet emotionally not there, but the girl or boy hungers to be acknowledged, recognized, respected, cared for."
I believe that men have a tougher journey to becoming loving because heteronormative societies deem "loving" women's work. Men who seek and create love defy patriarchal culture that teaches that men who love would cease to be "real men". Loving men are the realest men of all. There are several men who are creating love with their partners and their relationships with their children. I am grateful for the positive example that you provide. Thank you. I am a woman who affirms that men can love. I congratulate men who learn to love and create it through their words, thoughts, actions, and work. If you'd like to become a more self-loving man who creates love in his relationships allow B. Well to coach you along the way! If you are working to heal wounds that are created through the absence of male love, allow us to support your healing as you manifest a more loving life. You can B. Well!
Dr. Adrianne R. Pinkney
Integrative Wellness and Life Coach